This week came with yet another scare...Yeh it really doesn't end.
Good news out of the way first...Nuchal Results!!
They are fantastic.
Odds are as follows-
Trisomy 21 (Downs syndrome) 1:19803
Trisomy 13+18 (Edwards syndrome and Patau's syndrome) 1:36426
So as you can see, those odds are really great and very reassuring :)
On to the scary news...after going over my nuchal results i noticed that the tech had measured my cervical length and that it had been noted to only be 2.31cm!! This is not great at all, and most Dr's will take anything under 2.5cm as pre term labour.
So yes, i freaked and called my Dr asap.Of course, it being the Xmas holidays they were closed and he wasn't taking any appointments and my appointment was not until the following Friday...he called me back anyway, and i managed to get in at a time that he was planning to call into the office while it was shut to get checked over.
This was today...and omg,it was by far the worst thing i have been through pregnant so far.He did a full internal on me which took around 40 Min's and had me in tears. Due to the previous surgery, internals are never a nice thing to start with, but an in depth one is not something i really want to ever have to go through again...which unlucky for me, i now have to have every 2 weeks.
Good news is, my cervix was at 4.2cm, which is perfect for this time.Which means there is no cercalge (cervical stich) needed for now.Which we are hoping stays the same because there are more risks than nessessary to have it put in, int he first place, particularily infection and scar tissue.
But i am now in as a risk patient and have to see him every two weeks and have the same check done, to monitor it.
He also did the full physical on me today, checked all of my glands for lumps and bumps, breasts and abdomen.Everything is good, with the exception of my gallbladder which will inevitably have to be removed once baby is here so long as i can hold it off that long(which i already knew about this week just from my GP).
Alot of keeping that happy is just going to be eating better and avoiding fatty,greasy and fried foods :(
I am still hurting from the internal, and still bleeding, which of course is scary, but i know he did alot down there so i hope that's all it is.
Dr scanned really quickly over baby just to make sure the heart was still beating, and it was there flicking away straight away.He didn't do any measuring or checking the bpm but that's not what i was there for.
So now, we see him again on the 15th and that's when we go for the tour of the hospital as well, and get booked in, and set with the hospitals antenatal carers as well as my Dr, since we are doing co-care.
I was not going to go the rest of the pregnancy with my Dr, and just use the hospital for anything i needed, but under the circumstances, he would like me to stay under his care for the long term.Which i don't have any problem with...except that it costs me out of pocket for everything he does and every time i see him.But oh well, whatever is going to give baby the best care and looking after possible.
The only other news this week is the strange fact that we are only a couple of days away from hitting the 2nd trimester and i am sicker than ever instead of being better.
I had my first puking session last night, it came completely out of the blue...was sitting down to some chicken noodle soup and toast and didn't feel right...walked myself to the bathroom and sure enough, up it all came.LOL.
Its so me though...get worse when I'm supposed to get better.I just hope its very short term and goes away as quickly as it came.I would hate to be sick more from here on in....i am sooo longing to enjoy being pregnant with this baby.
Your infant is about 2.91 inches (7.4cm) and weighs around 0.81 ounce (23gm) - This is about the same weight as 4 quarters.
If you could peek in again you may spot your baby as he begins to practice inhaling and exhaling movements
Eyes and ears continue to move and develop
Baby's neck is getting longer, and the chin no longer is resting on his chest
Her hands are becoming more functional - Your baby may find it comforting to start playing with her fist.
At this point all nourishment is received from the placenta
On your next doctor visit you should be able to hear heartbeat with a Doppler by now - (Don't worry though if you can't, the heartbeat can be confirmed through U/S). Your baby's heartbeat is much rapider than your own and may remind you of the race towards birth that he is running!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
This week came with yet another scare...Yeh it really doesn't end.
Posted by Stacey at 9:02 AM
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
The first sigh of relief came from me.
Next up, the tech got a nice clear picture of babies profile so she could get an accurate measurement of the fluid behind the neck/head.
This is where i started to really panic because i had previously researched what was a good measurement and what would be cause for concern (they look for anything below 2.5mm in Australia, anything over that requires further testing, testing which holds a risk of miscarriage)...
after all of the testing stuff was over the tech so generously gave me a really in depth look at baby, and everything that has formed so far.
There was also a great shot of where the chord goes into the babies belly.
It was really overwhelming to see how much the baby had changed in just a matter of two weeks.
The heart was a steady 162bpm again, it has not changed, and they look for anything between 120 and 180 for the whole pregnancy so he/she is sitting perfectly in range.
There was nothing, so far that she could see that could be faulted. I was so happy with the results.
Of course, she did remind me that even though the nuchal fold is right on where it should be, that my bloodwork could still come back with something to be cause for concern, but i just dont feel it will.
I go back on the 31st to pick up the ultrasound pictures, and i really hope i get a copy of everything she got a shot of.They will really be great to show everyone everything that i could see.
Vocal cords begin to form- While perhaps not quite ready to be introduced to the nearest opera stage, your infant will use these immediately following the moment of birth. Bet you can't wait to hear that first cry!
Those precious eyes begin to move closer together - Are you wondering if he will have mommy's crystal green eyes, daddy's laughing brown ones, or maybe out of the gene pool will emerge grandma's clear blue!
Ears shift to their normal place on the side of the head
Intestines move farther in to your child's body
His or her liver begins to function - Responsible for cleansing the blood, storing nutrients, and providing needed chemicals, this is an important event!
The pancreas begins to produce insulin
Guess what? Your baby's average size is now at a whopping length: 2.13 inches (5.4cm) and weight: 0.49 ounce (14gm).
Posted by Stacey at 6:37 PM
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Well its 11 weeks this week and things are really starting to noticably change. My belly is sticking out all the time now and there is no denying something is going on.
I have alot of round ligament pain all day long, and alot of stretching which always worries me because of the way it feels.
Morning sickness is still kicking my butt day and night, heartburn has really kicked in and is there almost at some stage each and every day, and constipation! yuk!
Tomorrow we go in to have the bloodwork done for the first trimester screen (Nuchal ultrasoud), these are the other results that get looked at with the u/s to determine the chances of down syndrome and other abnormalities.I am so excited to see baby this week as i know that it will be completely different, it should be a side profle shot from now on, we should be able to see all the little features, arms and legs, nose and mouth etc.I cant wait!
there are only less than 2 weeks now until we are out of the 1st trimester. It has gone so quickly yet so slowly as well.
Time will tell...Hurry up and wait.
Fingers and toes have separated - Take a glimpse at how incredibly precious your child's tiny feet are at this point.
Hair and nails begin to grow
The genitals begin to take on the proper gender characteristics - It will be just a few more weeks before your ultrasound can show if you are having a boy or a girl! Have you been dreaming of pink or blue?
Amniotic fluid begins to accumulate as the kidneys begin to function - This fluid, consisting primarily of water, helps provide a cushion for your baby while she's nestled within your womb.
The muscles in the intestinal walls begin to practice contractions that digest food.
Your baby is about 1.61 inches (4.1 cm) long and weighs 0.25 ounce (7gm).
Posted by Stacey at 11:29 AM
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
We spent a torturous 9 hours in the ER on Sunday.I had been having weird cramps on and off for 3 days prior and on Sunday i started to spot blood.All of my symptoms had disappeared and i felt like it was over and nothing was happening.
So i took myself to the local hospital.After checking in with triage, i had a nurse jab my arm and leave in a drip thing so that more bloods could be taken throughout the time i was there.
It hurt so much and i bleed so badly from where she put it in, it soaked through the pillow my arm was resting on and looked horrible...i was to put up with this sticking out of me for the next 8 and a half hours! It was right on the joint the other side of my elbow, so each time i tried to do anything with that arm the needle would move and stick in further or push up or down.
The air conditioning was ridiculously cold and i was suffering so badly in the waiting room.
Aaron had finally finished work and came straight there to keep me company, poor thing, he was already tired and suffering from a cold.
6 hours later...
i FINALLY got a bed and got called in.
I got changed into a gown, got a warm blanket and got hooked up to the monitors, and had that stupid blood pressure machine that squeezes your arm every 15 mins which was horrible when my arm was already hurting so much!!
The Dr seemed to take forever to come over and do anything, but i was so tired, and hungry that i did not care and was just happy to be laying down and a little warmer.
I was in there for a further 3 hours and got checked right over to make sure my cervix was still coping with being pregnant (god the interal hurt so much!) and all was fine.
They found white cells in my urine, which means i have some form of an infection, but i opted to not take meds since i have no real sign of a UTI or anything.
She took swabs from my cervix to check for anything else and i am still waiting for the cultures to come back during the week.
They did not even do an u/s to check the baby because they cant do it at the hospital as the machines are not designed for pregnancy (clarity).
So after all that time, i got the all clear to leave and we finally got home and went to bed.
The next day i went to get an u/s that was ordered by my gp, and THANKFULLY baby is absolutely doing great! He/She has caught up to date and is infact a day ahead of our EDD now.
It measures 3.2cm and had a heartbeat of 162bpm (perfect range).
It was so amazing to feel the relief when i saw the baby. You could see little arm and leg buds and the head and body, it really looks like something now.
So now we wait 2 more weeks and go back for our Nuchal scan on xmas eve, and we will be the baby again, and i'm sure it will have changed so so much by then as rapid growth really starts this week.
The most critical part of your infant's development is complete. Now you are headed into a period of rapid growth.
While a bit strange to envision, your baby's head is now about half its length - Soon the rest of the body's growth will catch up but this area is prepared to keep up with the rapid brain development!
Eyelids fuse shut and irises begin to develop - Eye color is also determined by this point.
Placenta begins to function this week or next - The placenta is the organ responsible for both the provision of nutrients along with the removal of waste to keep your baby growing strong!
Your baby will be about 1.22 inch long (3.1cm) and weigh 0.14 ounce (4gm) at the end of this week.
Posted by Stacey at 3:15 PM
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
So far i really cant stand being pregnant.ugh.
Baby has begun movement - While still too small for you to feel, your little one is wriggling, shifting, and dancing already! Makes you almost wish for a window to peek in whenever you want!
Most joints are formed now - and trust that your little one is practicing bending and flexing.
Fetus will curve its fingers around an object placed in the palm of its hand - This is amazing to see! At only nine weeks, if you happen to have an ultrasound, you may observe your infant fascinated by everything he or she can lay their fingers on (mainly other fingers, toes, ears and nose!
Fingerprints are already evident in the skin
Average size this week -- length 0.9 inch (2.3cm), weight 0.07 ounce (2gm)
Posted by Stacey at 12:48 PM
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Well we hit 8 weeks this week, which also means we hit two months! it sounds like so much when you actually use months.
Nothing much new has been happening, still dealing with nausea, being bored because i am not doing anything like going to work atm (although i am back on Friday at least!).
We are booked in to have our Nuchal Scan done on the 23rd December, and hopefully we will get a nice picture of the little bub looking real baby like and send them out to family for xmas (well slightly late xmas by the time they are delivered).
I have to go in for bloodwork bout 4 days before the scan which is part of the exam as well.
We both really hope everything comes back clear. *fingers crossed*
Christmas is coming so quickly and we have organised nothing as yet! Its very hard with not knowing when either of us will be off work around the holidays either. But i'm sure whatever we do or plan it will still be christmas :)
Cartilage and bones begin to form - At the end of this week your baby will have already completed 1/5th of the journey 'til his birthday!
The basic structure of the eye is well underway - The position is more "newborn" like already!
The tongue begins to develop
Intestines move out of the umbilical cord into the abdomen.
Body grows and makes room - Two months along and this little one is growing inside and out by leaps and bounds!
The fingers and toes have appeared but are webbed and short
Baby's length (crown to rump) is 0.61 inch (1.6cm) and weight is 0.04 ounce (1gm)
Posted by Stacey at 11:39 AM
Friday, November 21, 2008
So yesterday we had our 2nd ultrasound, this was the big one to check there was a heartbeat and that things were looking good.
Well there certainly was that little flicker that was a heartbeat and it looks so great!
Baby is now 9mm but is measuring slightly behind on days, is only 6w6w not 7w2d as he/she should be. The heartrate was 135 which is in a great range.
I'm concerned about the measurements being out but i ahve heard plenty of ladies stories where the next appontment the baby had caught up or even grown over dates....so i hope thats the case.
Our next appointment will be with the antenatal team to have a nuchal scan and bloodwork done, this is something that i requested and is to check for down syndrome by checking the fluid around the neck as babies with excess fluid are at risk of downs.So that will be done at about 12 weeks.
We can opt for the extra money ($270 as opposed to $90 for the standard test) to get 3d pictures of the baby, but we will decide that depending on what i want since it doesnt interest Aaron in the slightest bit.lol.
Elbows form - Again, taking a peek inside you could see your baby's fascination with bending and flexing. Later you will swear you can enlist your child as the star of the next "Karate Kid" movie!
Fingers start to develop - These digits often become your baby's first toy!
Feet start to appear with tiny notches for the toes - It is fascinating that at less than a half inch, your little guy (or gal) already is leaving "footprints" on your heart!
Ears eyes and nose start to appear - Although they may resemble an alien life form, these all "shift" soon enough into a more normal appearance.
Intestines start to form in the umbilical cord - Did you know that initially the intestines are not formed inside your baby's body?
Teeth begin to develop under the gums - Thankfully, right now you won't be dealing with teething pain!
Posted by Stacey at 8:39 AM
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
So this week we jetted off to Newcastle to have a look at some ideas for the wedding, where we might have it etc.It wasnt the greatest trip as morning sickness/nausea all day decided to kick in for me just after i got off the plane and has been there ever since, all day, all night.ugh.We spent alot of time driving between venues, the area around the wineries is very pretty, but it feels like its such a big drive, such a massive area of land to cover.We spent a wonderful time at Hunter Valley Gardens, we managed to get in for free, i dont know how, but we didnt complain.lol.After we spent all the time we needed in the Hunter, we took ourselves and our hire car for a trip to stay with Aarons family, which was quite nice and relaxing, and if i had have been feeling better i would have enjoyed myself alot more.Then it was time to drive home and so we made the 6 hour journey back here, i ended up driving the whole trip, it was such a smooth run.Not much else has been going on in the 6th week so far, the day before we left for newcastle i took a tumble on the tiles at home and thought for sure the pregnancy was pver as i ended up cramping for a good while, but everything seems to be going ok, i hope...its uneventful really,except the sickness, which i could easily live without.
The arms and legs continue to develop - These limbs are stretching out more and more. Later on you will be feeling those feet and elbows up close and personal right in your bladder! Brain is growing well - Did you know that over the course of the remaining months that your baby's brain will develop over 100 billion neurons? This is just the beginning! Lenses of the eyes appear - If you could catch a glimpse inside, you would notice your baby's appearance becoming increasing like a newborn's. Nostrils are formed - The position of the nose seems to shift into its proper place as well. Soon, the nerves running from the nose to the brain appear. Intestines grow - Initially these are actually located outside the baby's body within the umbilical cord. Pancreas - Your baby is now equipped to deal with digestive enzymes and take on processing the insulin and glucagons the body needs to function.
Posted by Stacey at 9:39 AM
Friday, November 7, 2008
So that is our baby...well the start of our baby anyway.We got to see him/her yesterday in the very first ultrasound.As you can see, there is not alot there lol, but i assure you, he/she is growing up big and strong. Due to it being so early we cant see a heartbeat yet but we are booked in for the 20th November to see the little ticker beating away at 7w2d. By then the Dr will also be able to see the full outline of the baby, and he/she will have started to grow arms and legs etc which will be very exciting.
Now 2 weeks of waiting again...and how very anxious i am to see the little blob again to know he/she is doing ok and i am doing enough to keep him/her ok.
My dr said this next two weeks are a big step, and if we see it through without a miscarriage or any other hiccup then its a fantastic sign that the little blob is happy.
I hope thats the case!!
All i can do, is eat when i'm hungry, sleep when i'm tired, drink plenty of water and make sure i take my daily vitamins to give our little "ricey" the best chance he/ she can have.
Also, we have named him/her "ricey" as right now its about the size of a grain of rice :)
Today i went and had all of my first round of blood tests and urine samples to make sure my immunisations etc are up to scratch as well as blood types, and some stuff to do with antibodies, and to check for the known diseases etc.There were 7 things of blood and my arm went a little weird, but we got through it.
There is so much waiting in this pregnancy thing.
I'm not good at waiting...but i think i will learn very quickly how to be.
First heartbeats begin - If you have an early ultrasound you may not be able to recognize this tiny being as a baby, but there is no mistaking what it feels like seeing your child's heartbeat on that screen. That rhythmic beat is echoed in your own heart.
Umbilical cord develops - This is your baby's lifeline in utero. It bears the responsibility of pumping in oxygen, removing waste, and supplying the necessary nutrients for the remainder of your pregnancy.
Blood is now pumping - All four heart chambers are now functioning, insuring your baby's body will receive all it needs over not only the remainder of your pregnancy but throughout life.
Most other organs begin to develop - Your infant's lungs start to appear, along with her brain. Already your little one is preparing for a quest for lifelong learning!
Arm and leg buds appear - While they may not appear to be much at this stage it is ok to dream of the future. Just imagine your ballerina twirling and jumping around your kitchen floor. Or perhaps you will have the precocious boy that throws the perfect pitch -- right through the neighbor's window.
Posted by Stacey at 1:39 PM
Saturday, November 1, 2008
I just had the worst scare ever!
My dr just rang me out of the blue on a saturday to basically tell me i was going to have a miscarriage!!
I freaked out.i said what??????????
He said your tests that i had done on tuesday were HCG 130 ...and the 2nd tests that you had done were sent to me (i had that one done through my GP but with the same lab to get a correct count) and he said, it has only come back at 93...so its going down...i freaked out again!
I said wait! your receptionist told me on wednesday that my levels were 36, and 130 was progesterone????he was adamant that they were 130. and that it had gone down...
...he then said, oh wait!, no they have labeled it wrong on this sheet that was sent to me. it was 36, progesterone 130.
Posted by Stacey at 1:35 PM
Thursday, October 30, 2008
So on tuesday i had my first blood drawn to confirm evreything and to see how my levels were...
HCG was 36 and Progesterone was 130. I am pregnant.
I wanted the HCG to be higher but it was still within normal. The progesterone leaves me a bit curious as it is extremely high for this early on, that is 2nd trimester high, and i am not on any suppliments.This could very well indicate that i realeased more than one egg...so much of me wishes i had have taken the drs offers to look the other day to see how many i dropped.
Well i got my 2nd bloodwork back today, HCG is 93...the first was 36 ,2 days ago...so i dont know. it just seems so low.the stupid woman on the phone to my dr with the results said that meant i wasnt pregnant and my dr told her to work out how to do her job, because it has almost tripled.i feel horrible it really scared me and now its all i can think about and i want to kill her,whoever she is.He saw that i was upset and assured me that they count it as anything over 2 is pregnant.i was just hoping for a massive rise, to feel really safe behind.He said it is very low, and that i need to take it very easy for a couple of weeks...practically do nothing, but that it looks good that it has more than doubled,( its actually x2.6)my progesterone is at 120. He told me that will fluctuate...i just dont know...
the test i took today at home had the test line stronger than the control line which made me feel a little at ease.Its the darkest it has been yet.
I am already very very fatigued and i get bad nausea mainly in the afternoons-night, i find myself needing to snack alot or my hypoglycemia acts up really badly, i get shaky and faint i am also always dehydrated.
I'm a bit scared of the fact that i am already feeling pretty lousy alot of the time and its so very early...it better not get beyond bareable.I have alot of aches and pains and cramps today and its freaking me out.
thursday really cannot come any faster, i am offically a wreck in my own head.
Please stick little bean(s)!
Posted by Stacey at 3:35 PM
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Arent they just wonderful?? :)
We are officially pregnant and could not be happier. After months and months of hard work and hormones and horrible tears we have met our goal.
I got that first test 2 days before AF was due and it is perfectly dark as of today, today makes 4 weeks pregnant.woo!
Yesterday Aaron and I got fitted into my ob/gyn at the last minute and he requested blood samples off me to check how low or high my hormone levels are and to make sure my progesterone was at a good strong level, and he booked us in for our first ultrasound on thursday 6th November at 12pm :)
I am sooo nervous and excited to see whats going on in there.
Aaron is convinced that it is going to be twins and apparently has been all along this cycle, (as well as deciding that he "knew" i was pregnant over a week ago") lol. My dr thinks there is a very high chance there are two in there because of the way things are going.
I'm excited either way, but freaking out that it is going to disappear on me and i wont see anything, no little dot (s) on the screen, my dr is convinced he will be able to see a heartbeat (s) on the day of my ultrasound...i'm nt holding my breath, i think it will be too early.
So now we just wait...sit back, try to relax and wait until we see what we have created.
I get my first bloodtests back tomorrow, and i have another one done tomorrow to make sure my quantitive levels are close to doubling every 48 hours, which is the best indication that things are going good. fingers crossed they are nice and high and this little bean sticks, and grows into a happy healthy baby...or babies :)
Aaron is offically spastic for my Dr, he really rates him highly, and thats so good.
Just as we walked out the other day the Dr said "congrats" and Aaron's face lit up and he smiled really big, he said that eharing it from the Dr made it so much more different.
It was very cute.
Oh and the receptionist is being s nice to me now! Maybe because she knows she will have to put up with me more regularily or something, i dont know, but i hated her and now she is bareable.lol.
This is going o be the slowest time of my life...with each day comes another worry or concern.Until the baby is big enough to feel on a daily basis i wont rest, and even then i wont rest if i dont feel it as much one day to the next.lol.
We are planning our wedding and now the baby will be here before even then!!
So much of me wonders how we will even do it all, but we are both smart people, and we have survived this far...we reached our first goal, i'm sure we can reach the rest :)
We are going to take as much help and support from friends and family as we can get, and we hope that it\they are spoilt enough until the wedding is out of the way and we can spoil them more ourselves.
We will be due 7th july (just before my 25th birthday!).
But will inevitably give birth in June as it will be an automatic c-section. This gives us approx 3 months between birth and the wedding, and after my recovery time we should have about a month to go.
The only hassle about this is the fact that i will not be able to order my dress until the very last minute because i will not know how much post baby weight i will shed.
Lets hope it all comes together!
Weeks One through Four
Ovulation occurs - The time is right; now you just need this egg to be fertilized!
Conception occurs - Did you know that during your pregnancy that your uterus will increase its capacity by 1000 times?!
Gender is determined - Immediately upon fertilization your little one is set as a boy or a girl. Ladies, this is one that you can't take credit for since it is up to the sperm to determine the sex of your baby. Sperm carries either a "X" (girl) chromosome or a "Y" (boy) chromosome. (*Hint:* You will have to hold off on picking out the pink or blue until at least the second trimester when the gender will be visible via ultrasound.)
Implantation - Some spotting (also known as implantation bleeding) may occur about 10 - 14 days after conception. You may believe you are starting your period but generally this bleeding is extremely light and lasts only a day or so.
Neural tube forms - It will develop into the nervous system (Brain, spinal cord, hair, and skin). Already your baby has the foundation for thought, senses, feeling, and more!
Heart and primitive circulatory system rapidly form - While still in its beginning stages, this is the very life support system that will carry your child throughout his or her life.
Posted by Stacey at 3:41 PM
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Well it really has been about 100 years since i updated this again.
I seem to forget or not find time to write on here ever anymore.
Its also just that i dont have anything exciting going on to write about in the first place.
We visited the Dr before the start of this cycle, to get Aarons 3rd s/a checked out and we were given fantastic news. It looks like he is not going to be a factor in this anymore, he is very happy about that.
I on the other hand have many mixed emotions about it.
On one hand i am wrapped that we dont have to worry about that, but on the other hand, it just makes me mad that this hasnt worked yet?!
I mean we are getting me ovulate month after month, i take those stupid pills that make me all sorts of messed up, physically and mentally.
And nothing. So i just think that there is more going on with me that we dont know about yet.
Anyway, the outcome of the visit is that we are going to try 8 more months (rounds) of clomid, we have already done 4 and i am currently on my 5th, so all up, one whole year of it. ugh!
Neither of us are excited about the idea of it, we both know what sort of things it does to me, and in return does to us.
But its the only choice we have right now while we are planning the wedding, there is no way we could do everything we want to do as well as take on IVF, which after the 12 rounds of clomid are finished and done with the Dr wants to discuss.
We both really hope we dont have to step into that...
although i have said on numerous occasions to Aaron that i think the toll IVF takes would be less work than month after month of Clomid and BFNs. At least i would know in my on mind that we would be in for a really great chance, and half of the work is already done.
Basically i would choose to go the IVF route right now if we had the funds handy, not this way we are doing right now.
I'm not greedy, i'm not asking for more than i need, more would be fantastic, but i know that the chances are low, just one, just one of "us" is all we would ever hope for.
I was an only child, and up until 5 or so years ago, so was Aaron, we know its not a completely terrible thing.
I have sat back alot after this last few cycles and just asked myself why? why is this not working?
I realise that the timing is not the greatest, we have alot of stuff going on in life atm, trying to plan a wedding, and wanting to buy a home and car etc, but it is very difficult to be ok with not getting pregnant when there are so many people around us, in far worse situations, who should NOT be having children and who have been given the children they have because of a "mistake".
Where is our mistake then?
I find it amazing that a drug addict, or a prostitute or hell, a family who pride themselves on living off of the welfare system can have 100 babies if they want, and we are actively trying, taking pills, changing diets and lifestyles and nothing!
Shopping for baby things for other people is an extreme struggle, and i have dealt with that recently...part of me was so excited to be able to hand over money for baby clothes and blankets and everything else i got, but the truth of it all was sitting on my right shoulder whispering in my ear, reminding me that its not for me and that it may never will be.
What made it far worse were the circumstances in my buying it all in the first place.
Anyway, i can go on and on about how much this all does my head in, the way the world works, what you want you dont get and then someone who doesnt want it gets it the next day etc etc.
But i wont, because anyone who is in this IF position knows what i am talking about.
So the new job is going good, i have been there 3 weeks now and although it is very hard on my brain most of the time, i get paid well enough to make me want to keep going there.lol.
The people are nice, friendly and seem to be a great team.
The hours are what i want, there is an opportunity for me if i want it at times.
All in all i cant complain. I just wish i could enjoy it more by not feeling so unwell all of the time.
Aaron is still hating his job, nuff said about that.lol.He will find something else when he is ready and knows what he wants to do.
So thats the update for today, i am going to try and update this more, if i can find time between, work, wedding and of course....trying to battle IF.
Posted by Stacey at 9:55 AM
Thursday, September 18, 2008
So we are back in another 2ww again, this is the 4th round of Clomid and i cant even remember how many round sof actually just trying.
well,as you know, i had my first appointment with my new ob/gyn y-day, Dr Alwyn Dunn, with Monash IVF here on the Gold coast.and i was in there for 1hr 20mins!! he was great. he got my full history from what i had in paperwork and did a massive internal and an internal u/s. both good and bad things came out of it...turns out my cervix has been worked on during one of my opperations, he picked this up immediately when he went in...so that is concerning...and he also saw a giant 35 mm follie on my left ovary and beleives i may not have O'd yet?! my temps went up higher than they are pre O though, except today they have plateau'd out again and i have some watery cm.so i dont know whats going on.we have a plan of action with him anyways, he said i am obviously responding well to clomid, so why stop a good thing. he is quite happy to keep me on clomid for up to 12 months since i seem to only need 50mg! and i will be MONITORED! every cycle which is fantastic.he was a bit weird about my other dr not monitoring me.he gave me a new sample thing for Aaron to get another s/a done before i see him again.the reason being is that there was such a great jump from the first results to the second and he wants to be able to eliminate he first one as a bad catch and that it is not as grim as we think.i think i will be going in for a lap to check for endometriosis at some stage once it is organised.(its very hard to get checked out for it in this state apparently)he wants me to have another round i think, monitored and see how it goes.all n all, he feels that with what i have given him, if Aaron's s/a comes back like the second, and i dont have too many issies with endometriosis, he has told me he feels absolutely positive that he will have me pregnant before long.he was really great, i hated his receptionist though! ugh BITCH!!my only other obsticle is that i have not renewed my private health insurance, and the wait to ob and gyno on it will be 12 months before i can use it(every fund in australia has 12 months wait)so we either have to take a 3 month break and me get the insurance and make sure i dont get preg, or we dont wait and go through the public health system, but i will be stuck with whoever i can get, or we will have to pay a good $5000-$15000 out of pocket to have this ob/gyn to deliver because he is private.i need to discuss it with him anyways, because i know i have to have a c-section regardless, which i'm not sure if it will change my circumstances.
I think, from what i hear that means that i will actually get to stay with the same Dr throughout the entire pregnancy and not get shorted because i will be high risk.
Anyways, aside from that, i got the call today to say i have been offered the job i have been after so thats fantastic! I am now offically employed by IBM Asia Pacific for the National Auatralia Bank. I start Monday and cant wait to see whats instore for me.
My news later...
Posted by Stacey at 5:11 PM
Friday, August 29, 2008
Well this week will turn into spring.
Its Fathers day next Sunday, and i was hoping for a little surprise for Aaron but alas, it did not work out that way.
We just finished our 3rd round of Clomid.
I upped the dose under my own management, and oh-my-goodness. I ended up battling a case of OHSS which lasted about 8 days in total, and for most of those days i was having trouble walking, sitting, eating, drinking, sleeping etc etc. ugh!
note to self,
you DO NOT need more stimulation of your ovaries because they clearly work just fine on the dose the dr gave you! lol
So anyway, amoungst that came an O again, and the start of a new 2ww which felt alot different this time around. My chart looked great and and signs were all there, and by 9dpo i had snuck out of the house to get a pregnancy test while Aaron was busy.
My Tamagotchi died that day :( i was sad.
And so i walked myself into the bathroom after holding in everything i had drunk that day since lunch, it was now 4pm!
Read the instructions, did my thing and waited...in no time...this appeared before my eyes...
that little faint line meant that SHOCK! set in. and i freaked and showed Aaron really quickly.He saw it as quickly as i did.
Had we actually managed to do it??? It was so surreal. And so exciting and nerwracking all at once.
I was in love...with a stick, and with the idea that something was beggining to grow inside me.
I wasnt broken.
Obviously we went out and bought another lot of tests to check again in the morning, and with it being Sunday night, nothing was open and the choices werent really choices but "have to gets".
So the wait was on till morning comes...
Not even half a line. Not even a shaddow.It had gone, just like that, in 24 hours.
The next 5 days of waiting were agony, sleep and tears.
The rest is history really. We now know this CAN at least happen...it didnt stick this time, but we know something can "maybe" work...
After all of this, i got myself into a local GP, He gave me a script for Metformin (DIABEX XR), since my Dr back in Sydney was going to try me on it and see if it made any difference.For the record i am TERRIFIED TO TAKE IT lol.the horror toilet stories i have read on various threads i'm on are enough to scare anyone away from it...i also got a referal to a new OB/GYN who sounds absolutely amazing!!
He does his own procedures, his own ultrasounds etc which is very rare to find.
He is also with Monash IVF here which is another plus plus plus. It means that if we need to go that far we will have the same Dr to go through it with.
My first appointment with him is on the 16 September at 12:45pm. He is doing an u/s on this visit also which is GREAT! as Aaron and i decided to go ahead and do another round of the Clomid while we wait, and from going off my last few cycles the time of the u/s should be right around O time, so i should see whats going on with my ovaries while on fertility meds, which i havent had yet.
So outside of the sad thing that happened this time around, we have alot of positives too. I am very excited to see what this Dr says, and wants to do.
And outside of all of the TTC stuff, Aaron has a new job, which he started this week and seems to be getting enough out of it to still be there at least lol.
We miss our birdie-girl terribly and i often have a thought of her and get teary eyed immediately. We cant wait to see her and hope she hasnt already forgotten us.
Posted by Stacey at 3:17 PM
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Clearly i am hopeless.
Anyways...so much has happened since my last post on here.
We now live on the Sunny Gold Coast again.Its as wonderful as ever BTW, for those who might be envious :P
The move went well, not too many troubles except for having to get our massive tv shipped up on a truck, but other than that, it was smooth sailing.
We took our time to get to where we are now, we spent 2 great days with my Grandparents whom i havent seen in a very long time, the property up there is so relaxing, and i got to show Aaron my horse and he seemed to get a good thumbs up from both my grandparents.
We then spent a few days in Kempsey seeing Aarons family, and i really dont know what i was so terrified of.It was great, i felt very comfortable and almost at home there and we were spoilt with some really nice home cooked meals, which we havent had alot of in the last few weeks, with packing and moving and being lazy.
I made my way up here a few days before Aaron and had some time to myself, and gave him some time for his friends and family on his own.
Now he is here and we are on the hunt for jobs and just sort of settling in.Alot of what we loved close to home up here is still around, we are alot more active up here, which is great for our health and mentality too.
As it stands, our last round of Clomid was a bust, after an amazingly promising chart, with an implantation dip and everything!
So now we have just started our 3rd round of fertility meds.
i started them 2 days late because i was at Aarons Grandparents place when i was supposed to start it but i really didnt want to be a mass pain in the ass being sick and moddy and tired.
They have truely hit me like a tonne of bricks this time.
So the dose has been upped this time (to double) because well with having male factor(low sperm count) as well, i figure the more eggs that can drop the more chance they have at catching one...and now its just a waiting game
i hate the ovulation wait.
yes, yes i do.
Oh and it was my birthday during all this time away too.24 Years younger now.
i had a nice time out with my closest friends.Its hard to believe i am this old already.
Posted by Stacey at 3:09 PM
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Well we are offically back in the 2ww again.
Thankfully the Clomid worked again and i O'd this week and we timed things really well so i can have a quiet confidence that things might work.
Right now i am 3DPO and tomorrow is my 24TH birthday, and so the combination of the two means i cant go out and drink it up like i was going to on the weekend since we never do that sort of thing at all anymore...you have to be safe with these things. No point trying so hard to make a baby and stuffing it up with one night of drunken madness.
So this year i will have to take it easy....again....and just enjoy dinner with friends and be an onlooker afterwards.
I know what i will be wishing for tomorrow...ALLLLLLL day long lol.And by the end of the month we will have an answer to see if the wishing worked or not.
Lerts hope it does.The clomid ended up messing with me more than i originally thought this month. I'm STILL getting bad hot flushes and night sweats from it.
It will be so nice not to have to do it again next cycle...not to have a "next cycle" at all.
So anyways, yeh i'm old-er tomorrow.heh.
Posted by Stacey at 1:31 PM
Thursday, July 3, 2008
This week we have started a new way of living.
Slowly but surely we are making the changes we need to make to help things move along a little better, health wise at least.
We now walk each day, twice when Aaron has the time when he is not at work. I will still try to go twice a day adding some running in there which i used to do every day and love so much. Its such a great release for me and lord knows i need it.
The exercise is easy, the only struggle is getting out in the cold. The food on the other hand...heh...this is where it gets really tough.
There are so many foods i am not supposed to eat.
Because of the PCOS, I am, from a Drs point of view, meant to be overweight.
I of course, never have been and have always been underweight really.So me needing to cut out foods and eat like i am on a diet is always tough because i dont have the weight to remind me not to do it.
I have cut out most carbs and sugars as they are what i really need to focus on not giving into.
I crave carbs and would live purely on them if i could, but unfortunately they are a big no-no with everything thats wrong with me. Likewise with sugars.
Now dont for a second think i am crazy and am trying to "loose weight" or anything, because i am not...
With PCOS comes the added risk of Diabetes.
I have 3 month GTT's done (glucose tolerance test) and my last came back slightly bad.My insulin levels were shaky. Nothing too huge to worry about.But the fact that it has gone bad since the last time could be a sign of where it is heading.
My dr has offered to put me an Metformin (Diabetic meds) if i want to, but i have heard too often that the side effects (constant diarrhea and nausea) dont make you want to wake up and take them each day.
So, i decided against it for now, and just see if i can do this on my own, my next test is in August i think so i will re asses the situation then and decide if i will take them.
Until then, its closely monitoring what i each each day.
I'm certainly terrified of getting to the stage of full blown diabetes thats for sure.And i hope i can prevent it from ever happening.
Of course with my healthy eating, Aaron benefits as well. Although he is finding himself alot hungrier with the cut back of "filling" foods. But we can work out a happy medium somehow.
So for now, walking /running each day, cutting out the "white" foods and trying to increase both of our water intakes should do some good.
I'm still taking my iron treatments, and from the monthly blood test i get it looks as though the Dr has always been right and i will be on treatment for the rest of my life, which sucks.But i certainly dont want to be 40 with the memory of an 80 year old and forget who my husband and kids are.The new diet should hopefully help with the iron supplements too as they cause terrible constipation thats completely unbearable at times.
I have also come to discover, outside of the constipation from iron meds that i have IBS. so hooray *rolls eyes* one more thing to tick off the list. Its not typical running-to-the-bathroom-all-day-long which is at least a positive...things just dont work great down there from time to time.haha.
We both have to add more water to our diet, Aaron needs to for his boys to swim nice and freely.
All in all, i hope we BOTH start to feel the difference quickly so we stick at it and see it for what its worth.
...i did eat 2 chocolates tonight though :O
not that i feel any kind of great for it :(
Posted by Stacey at 9:52 PM
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Although...not alot has gone on since the last post, so i will use that as my excuse :p
Last cycle was another bust and the 2ww was dragged out by 3-4 extra days of waiting and hoping which has now got me wondering exactly when i ovulated, AGAIN this time.
Anyway, we are back on a new fresh cycle, i have just finished my 2nd round of Clomid, with less side effects than last time at least. The head/eye dramas were minimal, the hot flushes were still there in full force but i was prepared for them from last time.
I decided against seeing my OB/GYN this time around because i figured it would be a waste of money for the visit if all he would tell me was to start a new cycle. He doesnt want to monitor me yet, so i'm not paying him for answers i already know that he will give me.
Its my birthday in 14 days. the big 24. geeez. Where on earth is life going??
I know what i will be wishing for on the day... the baby psychic i got a reading from predicted a Girl in July. (mind you the other one said a Boy in June, so we wont get too excited about that one).
Outside of the baby business we are having such a hard time deciding where our lives are headed.Where we want to move to to settle down and live properly, where to build some strong foundations for us both.
We are greatly considering going back up North to the Gold Coast as we both love the atmosphere up that way and really wish we had never left in the first place.Its just getting shit sorted out down here, working out what is important for us to keep and hold onto, getting it all up there and then getting us up there.
Aaron has been applying for work up that way, and basically if anything comes up, we are out of here back to the sunshine a walk away from the beach. I will continue to study as best i can until we know whats going on, there isnt alot of point in me doing much else until we have some firmly planted feet on the ground.
Speaking of studying. UGH! for the record. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. It is so hard to understand anything that you havent done before hands on. I feel like i'm out of my league!
I got really great marks for the first few things ive handed in and now i am stuck. Completely clueless and its driving me insane to the point where i am struggling to even want to do it anymore. But i will, because i know if i dont i will always kick myself, not to mention everyone else's responses which i dont need to hear.
So, i'm taking my time with it now. I figure i have the time...i have 3 years to do it, and i'm still young enough to take that much time if i need it. I hope i dont though, and i fly through it like i originally wanted too.
I just need to find my feet...then its smooth sailing.
Posted by Stacey at 8:48 PM
Friday, June 20, 2008
This was found by a lady on a forum i am on...
its so well fitted.
So we got the results back for Aaron's last Sperm analysis.
I/we got excited to see that the numbers had gone up (tripled to be exact)...this was the first line on the test result paper...
then reading more into it, it seems the increase means nothing, and if anything, if you add the numbers, the percentages and compare the last and this recent one it looks worse then it did.
Me being me, doing my thing with numbers, worked out, that out of 31 million counted, only approx 2.7 million were actually viable to be used for anything, or to be able to do the job themselves.
Now for those of you who have no knowledge of numbers. This is poor, poor number, and will most likey require some sort of assistance in fertilisation now.
...Some have it worse.
I have said this over and over in my head a million times now. And yes, that is certainly a true statement. But shit.
It doesnt take away the fact that it is still a kick in the ass for us both. I mean we have my messed up body with PCOS and whatever the hell wants to be wrong with it on any given day you want to examine it...and now, this.
We dont wish it to be any worse, but couldnt it have just been a little better??
Anyway, we will work through this. It will just take more time, more planning...more money than we first expected.
Hopefully this is the last knock down we will have.
We are now on par.lol. funny enough.
We can do this though. Two bits of broken can still be formed to make one whole.
We will do this.
In other news. We are almost at the end of this 2ww (2 week wait, between ovulation and testing for pregnancy).
So far things look good.My temperature has stayed up nicely,its been wonderfully triphasic and looks promising. Although for those who know about charting your BBT(basal body temperature) ugh, trying to remember to make sense of the abbreviations i'm so used to is going to be tough...and annoying :P , anyway, with charting, one day can make all the difference, a temp of the high 36's can drop overnight and you can wake up being back just about 36 and expecting the witch/af (period) to arrive any second of the day.
Ive been keeping it quiet this time around.Trying to stay optimistic about it all. Its so hard to hear of other success while your quietly failing though.
I have not said alot to Aaron about how things look and feel.I'm hoping for a nice surprise...if only it would show.
Posted by Stacey at 10:19 PM
Thursday, June 12, 2008
And when i say treatments, i mean ones actually prescribed by a Dr.haha.
Since some of you may know, ive done it all natural up until this point...the herbs, and oils and...menopause tablets...yeh...that was an interesting try thats for sure.lol!
From various checks over the last few months from blood tests and ultrasounds my dr and a have come to the conclusion that i DO infact ovulate on my own when my body is ok with it...but it is far to late for it to matter when it does.
A normal womens cycle is 28 or 35 days,and ovulation occurs around day 14. Mine are going 60+ and i have averaged ovulation on the days of the 40's, with the last one being day 49.
Which basically means on top of everything else, there is only 1/2 the a chance of this working throughout a year, or 6 times a year as opposed ot the normal woman having 12 chances.Thats even if my body decides to do it!
This is no good, as alot of fertilisation depends on egg quality, but it isnt entirey bad, we just need to get me ovulating regularly.
And so i have been prescribed the fertility pill "Clomid" (which is designed to make you ovulate) and i took that this month...and what do you know... it worked! day 19 this body of mine decided to act like a normal person and now we just sit.....and.....wait.....
My mum went on the fertility pill to have me and got lucky the first month in. I dont think that will be the case for us, but we can only hope i guess.
The pill is evil.haha.
Its like going through early menopause or something.
Here is a list of side effects...
ovarian enlargement presenting as abdominal or pelvic pain, tenderness, pressure, or swelling
nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea
breast tenderness or discomfort
blurred vision or other visual disturbances
abnormal uterine bleedingovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) has been reported to occur in patients receiving clomiphene. Symptoms of OHSS include swelling of the hands or legs, abdominal pain and swelling, shortness of breath, weight gain, and nausea or vomiting. OHSS can be fatal.
...and of course, me being me. i copped it all.(with the exception of OHSS) it was terrible week while taking it. i suffered the worst case of vertigo all day and night, while standing or laying down, the hot flushes were ridiculous and the constant headache drove me mad.
So much so that i was actually booked in to have a head CT scan done because of how bad it all got, only to find out i ovulated the day before and therefore didnt want to take the risk of damaging the little egg.
All in all it felt like, what i imagine going through menopause feels like x10.
If it had not have worked, i wasnt going to do it again...
lucky it did.
So the plan my Dr and i have is, with the exception of this next sperm analysis coming back poor. This is the plan for the next 3 months, then if no luck, i am going into hospital to have a laparoscopy to check me for endometriosis as this is a great concern to both me and my Dr due to previous operations and scar tissue already being there.
again...i hope we dont get that far.
Posted by Stacey at 2:11 PM
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
We now are dealing with "Male Factor" as well. Yeh, his guys arent the next Ian Thorpe thats for sure. This was always a concern, because as far as i have researched up to 40% of males suffer from it in some form or another.
We found this out in early February of this year, and we now have to have a follow up every 3 months to check how its going. As you can imagine Aaron hates this, but he understands that its a very important factor.
We arent completely out of this though, there ARE some guys there, not enough for anyone to be too happy with, but they arent the best quality.On top of the low count itself,(under 9 million) motility is very concerning, as 40% of the entire collection was NON-motile.
So this basically means, there are little sperm there, and of the ones that are there only 34% are formed correctly (have tails etc), however only 55% of those can even swim, but they dont have the strength to get to where they need to go,(sluggish) and the other part of them arent formed at all, and would probably be too busy doing doughnuts on the spot instead of realising they have a job to do.
So it looks and sounds pretty grin atm. But we have just had a follow up done this week and are hoping that things have improved.
Aaron can no longer enjoy a daily cup of coffee and hasnt for quite some time now, for both of us, who are ex caffine addicts, something like coffee is a treat now haha.
After we receive the results, my Dr will go over them and decide on the next plan of action. It will be one of two things...
IUI (Intrauterine insemination / artificial insemination) or if it comes back worse off...
IVF (In vitro fertilization).
We are really hoping we dont need either.
Posted by Stacey at 1:38 PM
Friday, June 6, 2008
the state of being unable to produce offspring; in a woman it is an inability to conceive; in a man it is an inability to impregnate.
There are alot of factors that make every bit of this journey a hard one, alot harder than most people would know, understand, or even imagine.Some of you know about our infertility issues and some dont. For those that have some understanding i hope you can read along and keep up, and those that dont i hope that i can make myself make enough sense that you can at least grasp a little of the bigger picture and roll with it as best you can.
People fall in love, get married and have babies. Thats the way its meant to go isnt it?
Well its 2008 now and the way that things were "meant to go", doesnt turn out to be the way people live thier lives anymore. "Accidents" happen, weddings have runaway brides, the love of your life turns out to have a husband,wife, or both for that matter, you finally realise that, that dream home you had planned is never going to be an option, and some of us even more unfortunate ones, have a little thing called "infertilty", and it seems, funny enough, that this "little" thing, is much more of a big thing than you can even begin to imagine.
For those not up to speed, i have a "syndrome" called PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I found out i had this at the age of 13 (which is VERY early to be diagnosed, most women who suffer from this dont know they have it until they are trying to concieve and have been unsuccessful) my ob/gyn discovered this while performing a couple of operations for something else. Up until the last few years i havent paid all that much attention to it, the not having your period for 6 month to a year never really fazed me because i,like most other girls and women would if you didnt think it was wrong, thought it was a blessing most of the time.I have never suffered from weight gain, and have always been very lean. I have battled eating disorders since as far back as i can remember and never managed to let myself put any more than i thought "looked ok" , so i was never concerned with that side of it either.What did i need to care about if i ovulated or not? What did i need to care about Diabetes for if i wasnt overweight?
Posted by Stacey at 7:36 PM
Friday, May 30, 2008
I mean, i have had a Myspace for about 50 years and have written a few blogs on that about random crap i thought at early hours of the morning after too much coffee, but not something that is completely viewable content, strictly on my life.
But, i have come to realise that there are too many people out of the know, (alot of that being Aaron's family and friends, my extended family and my Mum) purely because of distance, so this is for you guys.
I hope that you can enjoy "some" of this and it can make up for Aaron forgetting to wake up and switch on the communication button which he ever so often does and my lack of, well...knowing you enough to pick up the phone myself and ramble on a conversation from both of us.
I hope as well that this will give you a little more insight into the whirlwind that came along and stole him away, that is me.
This blog is going to be filled with everything thats anything...but mostly it will be our trying to conceive journey,our struggles, our stresses,because well, thats probably the biggest hurdle we have in our lives so far, and what is being concentrated on more than anything. So if your not all that interested in hearing ALOT about baby stuff...escape while you can.lol.
For those of you who stay and follow our journey, welcome, stay as long as you want.
This is the new telphone i guess...
Posted by Stacey at 6:44 PM