A new cycle.

Well we are offically back in the 2ww again.
Thankfully the Clomid worked again and i O'd this week and we timed things really well so i can have a quiet confidence that things might work.
Right now i am 3DPO and tomorrow is my 24TH birthday, and so the combination of the two means i cant go out and drink it up like i was going to on the weekend since we never do that sort of thing at all anymore...you have to be safe with these things. No point trying so hard to make a baby and stuffing it up with one night of drunken madness.
So this year i will have to take it easy....again....and just enjoy dinner with friends and be an onlooker afterwards.
I know what i will be wishing for tomorrow...ALLLLLLL day long lol.And by the end of the month we will have an answer to see if the wishing worked or not.
Lerts hope it does.The clomid ended up messing with me more than i originally thought this month. I'm STILL getting bad hot flushes and night sweats from it.
It will be so nice not to have to do it again next cycle...not to have a "next cycle" at all.

So anyways, yeh i'm old-er tomorrow.heh.

Turning over a new Leaf

This week we have started a new way of living.
Slowly but surely we are making the changes we need to make to help things move along a little better, health wise at least.
We now walk each day, twice when Aaron has the time when he is not at work. I will still try to go twice a day adding some running in there which i used to do every day and love so much. Its such a great release for me and lord knows i need it.
The exercise is easy, the only struggle is getting out in the cold. The food on the other hand...heh...this is where it gets really tough.
There are so many foods i am not supposed to eat.
Because of the PCOS, I am, from a Drs point of view, meant to be overweight.
I of course, never have been and have always been underweight really.So me needing to cut out foods and eat like i am on a diet is always tough because i dont have the weight to remind me not to do it.
I have cut out most carbs and sugars as they are what i really need to focus on not giving into.
I crave carbs and would live purely on them if i could, but unfortunately they are a big no-no with everything thats wrong with me. Likewise with sugars.
Now dont for a second think i am crazy and am trying to "loose weight" or anything, because i am not...
With PCOS comes the added risk of Diabetes.

I have 3 month GTT's done (glucose tolerance test) and my last came back slightly bad.My insulin levels were shaky. Nothing too huge to worry about.But the fact that it has gone bad since the last time could be a sign of where it is heading.
My dr has offered to put me an Metformin (Diabetic meds) if i want to, but i have heard too often that the side effects (constant diarrhea and nausea) dont make you want to wake up and take them each day.
So, i decided against it for now, and just see if i can do this on my own, my next test is in August i think so i will re asses the situation then and decide if i will take them.
Until then, its closely monitoring what i each each day.
I'm certainly terrified of getting to the stage of full blown diabetes thats for sure.And i hope i can prevent it from ever happening.
Of course with my healthy eating, Aaron benefits as well. Although he is finding himself alot hungrier with the cut back of "filling" foods. But we can work out a happy medium somehow.
So for now, walking /running each day, cutting out the "white" foods and trying to increase both of our water intakes should do some good.
I'm still taking my iron treatments, and from the monthly blood test i get it looks as though the Dr has always been right and i will be on treatment for the rest of my life, which sucks.But i certainly dont want to be 40 with the memory of an 80 year old and forget who my husband and kids are.The new diet should hopefully help with the iron supplements too as they cause terrible constipation thats completely unbearable at times.
I have also come to discover, outside of the constipation from iron meds that i have IBS. so hooray *rolls eyes* one more thing to tick off the list. Its not typical running-to-the-bathroom-all-day-long which is at least a positive...things just dont work great down there from time to time.haha.
We both have to add more water to our diet, Aaron needs to for his boys to swim nice and freely.
All in all, i hope we BOTH start to feel the difference quickly so we stick at it and see it for what its worth.

...i did eat 2 chocolates tonight though :O
not that i feel any kind of great for it :(

Same old feelings

Well i can tell, by now, that i'm going to have to remind myself to actually update this.
Although...not alot has gone on since the last post, so i will use that as my excuse :p
Last cycle was another bust and the 2ww was dragged out by 3-4 extra days of waiting and hoping which has now got me wondering exactly when i ovulated, AGAIN this time.

Anyway, we are back on a new fresh cycle, i have just finished my 2nd round of Clomid, with less side effects than last time at least. The head/eye dramas were minimal, the hot flushes were still there in full force but i was prepared for them from last time.
I decided against seeing my OB/GYN this time around because i figured it would be a waste of money for the visit if all he would tell me was to start a new cycle. He doesnt want to monitor me yet, so i'm not paying him for answers i already know that he will give me.

Its my birthday in 14 days. the big 24. geeez. Where on earth is life going??
I know what i will be wishing for on the day... the baby psychic i got a reading from predicted a Girl in July. (mind you the other one said a Boy in June, so we wont get too excited about that one).
Outside of the baby business we are having such a hard time deciding where our lives are headed.Where we want to move to to settle down and live properly, where to build some strong foundations for us both.
We are greatly considering going back up North to the Gold Coast as we both love the atmosphere up that way and really wish we had never left in the first place.Its just getting shit sorted out down here, working out what is important for us to keep and hold onto, getting it all up there and then getting us up there.
Aaron has been applying for work up that way, and basically if anything comes up, we are out of here back to the sunshine a walk away from the beach. I will continue to study as best i can until we know whats going on, there isnt alot of point in me doing much else until we have some firmly planted feet on the ground.
Speaking of studying. UGH! for the record. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. It is so hard to understand anything that you havent done before hands on. I feel like i'm out of my league!
I got really great marks for the first few things ive handed in and now i am stuck. Completely clueless and its driving me insane to the point where i am struggling to even want to do it anymore. But i will, because i know if i dont i will always kick myself, not to mention everyone else's responses which i dont need to hear.
So, i'm taking my time with it now. I figure i have the time...i have 3 years to do it, and i'm still young enough to take that much time if i need it. I hope i dont though, and i fly through it like i originally wanted too.
I just need to find my feet...then its smooth sailing.

STILL swimming up hill...and now against the current.

This was found by a lady on a forum i am on...
its so well fitted.
So we got the results back for Aaron's last Sperm analysis.
Grim.
I/we got excited to see that the numbers had gone up (tripled to be exact)...this was the first line on the test result paper...
then reading more into it, it seems the increase means nothing, and if anything, if you add the numbers, the percentages and compare the last and this recent one it looks worse then it did.
Me being me, doing my thing with numbers, worked out, that out of 31 million counted, only approx 2.7 million were actually viable to be used for anything, or to be able to do the job themselves.
Now for those of you who have no knowledge of numbers. This is poor, poor number, and will most likey require some sort of assistance in fertilisation now.
...Some have it worse.
I have said this over and over in my head a million times now. And yes, that is certainly a true statement. But shit.
It doesnt take away the fact that it is still a kick in the ass for us both. I mean we have my messed up body with PCOS and whatever the hell wants to be wrong with it on any given day you want to examine it...and now, this.
We dont wish it to be any worse, but couldnt it have just been a little better??
Anyway, we will work through this. It will just take more time, more planning...more money than we first expected.
Hopefully this is the last knock down we will have.
We are now on par.lol. funny enough.
We can do this though. Two bits of broken can still be formed to make one whole.
We will do this.

In other news. We are almost at the end of this 2ww (2 week wait, between ovulation and testing for pregnancy).
So far things look good.My temperature has stayed up nicely,its been wonderfully triphasic and looks promising. Although for those who know about charting your BBT(basal body temperature) ugh, trying to remember to make sense of the abbreviations i'm so used to is going to be tough...and annoying :P , anyway, with charting, one day can make all the difference, a temp of the high 36's can drop overnight and you can wake up being back just about 36 and expecting the witch/af (period) to arrive any second of the day.
Ive been keeping it quiet this time around.Trying to stay optimistic about it all. Its so hard to hear of other success while your quietly failing though.
I have not said alot to Aaron about how things look and feel.I'm hoping for a nice surprise...if only it would show.

Please show...

Hitting 1st Base

Well we have officially started fertility treaments this month.
And when i say treatments, i mean ones actually prescribed by a Dr.haha.
Since some of you may know, ive done it all natural up until this point...the herbs, and oils and...menopause tablets...yeh...that was an interesting try thats for sure.lol!
From various checks over the last few months from blood tests and ultrasounds my dr and a have come to the conclusion that i DO infact ovulate on my own when my body is ok with it...but it is far to late for it to matter when it does.
A normal womens cycle is 28 or 35 days,and ovulation occurs around day 14. Mine are going 60+ and i have averaged ovulation on the days of the 40's, with the last one being day 49.
Which basically means on top of everything else, there is only 1/2 the a chance of this working throughout a year, or 6 times a year as opposed ot the normal woman having 12 chances.Thats even if my body decides to do it!
This is no good, as alot of fertilisation depends on egg quality, but it isnt entirey bad, we just need to get me ovulating regularly.
And so i have been prescribed the fertility pill "Clomid" (which is designed to make you ovulate) and i took that this month...and what do you know... it worked! day 19 this body of mine decided to act like a normal person and now we just sit.....and.....wait.....
My mum went on the fertility pill to have me and got lucky the first month in. I dont think that will be the case for us, but we can only hope i guess.
The pill is evil.haha.
Its like going through early menopause or something.
Here is a list of side effects...

ovarian enlargement presenting as abdominal or pelvic pain, tenderness, pressure, or swelling
hot flushes
nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea
breast tenderness or discomfort
blurred vision or other visual disturbances
headache
abnormal uterine bleedingovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) has been reported to occur in patients receiving clomiphene. Symptoms of OHSS include swelling of the hands or legs, abdominal pain and swelling, shortness of breath, weight gain, and nausea or vomiting. OHSS can be fatal.

...and of course, me being me. i copped it all.(with the exception of OHSS) it was terrible week while taking it. i suffered the worst case of vertigo all day and night, while standing or laying down, the hot flushes were ridiculous and the constant headache drove me mad.
So much so that i was actually booked in to have a head CT scan done because of how bad it all got, only to find out i ovulated the day before and therefore didnt want to take the risk of damaging the little egg.

All in all it felt like, what i imagine going through menopause feels like x10.
If it had not have worked, i wasnt going to do it again...

lucky it did.
So the plan my Dr and i have is, with the exception of this next sperm analysis coming back poor. This is the plan for the next 3 months, then if no luck, i am going into hospital to have a laparoscopy to check me for endometriosis as this is a great concern to both me and my Dr due to previous operations and scar tissue already being there.
again...i hope we dont get that far.