WE ARE PREGNANT!!.........finally!

Arent they just wonderful?? :)
We are officially pregnant and could not be happier. After months and months of hard work and hormones and horrible tears we have met our goal.
I got that first test 2 days before AF was due and it is perfectly dark as of today, today makes 4 weeks pregnant.woo!
Yesterday Aaron and I got fitted into my ob/gyn at the last minute and he requested blood samples off me to check how low or high my hormone levels are and to make sure my progesterone was at a good strong level, and he booked us in for our first ultrasound on thursday 6th November at 12pm :)
I am sooo nervous and excited to see whats going on in there.
Aaron is convinced that it is going to be twins and apparently has been all along this cycle, (as well as deciding that he "knew" i was pregnant over a week ago") lol. My dr thinks there is a very high chance there are two in there because of the way things are going.
I'm excited either way, but freaking out that it is going to disappear on me and i wont see anything, no little dot (s) on the screen, my dr is convinced he will be able to see a heartbeat (s) on the day of my ultrasound...i'm nt holding my breath, i think it will be too early.
So now we just wait...sit back, try to relax and wait until we see what we have created.
I get my first bloodtests back tomorrow, and i have another one done tomorrow to make sure my quantitive levels are close to doubling every 48 hours, which is the best indication that things are going good. fingers crossed they are nice and high and this little bean sticks, and grows into a happy healthy baby...or babies :)
Aaron is offically spastic for my Dr, he really rates him highly, and thats so good.
Just as we walked out the other day the Dr said "congrats" and Aaron's face lit up and he smiled really big, he said that eharing it from the Dr made it so much more different.
It was very cute.

Oh and the receptionist is being s nice to me now! Maybe because she knows she will have to put up with me more regularily or something, i dont know, but i hated her and now she is bareable.lol.
This is going o be the slowest time of my life...with each day comes another worry or concern.Until the baby is big enough to feel on a daily basis i wont rest, and even then i wont rest if i dont feel it as much one day to the next.lol.
We are planning our wedding and now the baby will be here before even then!!
So much of me wonders how we will even do it all, but we are both smart people, and we have survived this far...we reached our first goal, i'm sure we can reach the rest :)
We are going to take as much help and support from friends and family as we can get, and we hope that it\they are spoilt enough until the wedding is out of the way and we can spoil them more ourselves.
We will be due 7th july (just before my 25th birthday!).
But will inevitably give birth in June as it will be an automatic c-section. This gives us approx 3 months between birth and the wedding, and after my recovery time we should have about a month to go.
The only hassle about this is the fact that i will not be able to order my dress until the very last minute because i will not know how much post baby weight i will shed.
Lets hope it all comes together!


Weeks One through Four
Ovulation occurs - The time is right; now you just need this egg to be fertilized!
Conception occurs - Did you know that during your pregnancy that your uterus will increase its capacity by 1000 times?!
Gender is determined - Immediately upon fertilization your little one is set as a boy or a girl. Ladies, this is one that you can't take credit for since it is up to the sperm to determine the sex of your baby. Sperm carries either a "X" (girl) chromosome or a "Y" (boy) chromosome. (*Hint:* You will have to hold off on picking out the pink or blue until at least the second trimester when the gender will be visible via ultrasound.)
Implantation - Some spotting (also known as implantation bleeding) may occur about 10 - 14 days after conception. You may believe you are starting your period but generally this bleeding is extremely light and lasts only a day or so.
Neural tube forms - It will develop into the nervous system (Brain, spinal cord, hair, and skin). Already your baby has the foundation for thought, senses, feeling, and more!
Heart and primitive circulatory system rapidly form - While still in its beginning stages, this is the very life support system that will carry your child throughout his or her life.

will it all fall into place?

Well it really has been about 100 years since i updated this again.
I seem to forget or not find time to write on here ever anymore.
Its also just that i dont have anything exciting going on to write about in the first place.
We visited the Dr before the start of this cycle, to get Aarons 3rd s/a checked out and we were given fantastic news. It looks like he is not going to be a factor in this anymore, he is very happy about that.
I on the other hand have many mixed emotions about it.
On one hand i am wrapped that we dont have to worry about that, but on the other hand, it just makes me mad that this hasnt worked yet?!
I mean we are getting me ovulate month after month, i take those stupid pills that make me all sorts of messed up, physically and mentally.
And nothing. So i just think that there is more going on with me that we dont know about yet.
Anyway, the outcome of the visit is that we are going to try 8 more months (rounds) of clomid, we have already done 4 and i am currently on my 5th, so all up, one whole year of it. ugh!
Neither of us are excited about the idea of it, we both know what sort of things it does to me, and in return does to us.
But its the only choice we have right now while we are planning the wedding, there is no way we could do everything we want to do as well as take on IVF, which after the 12 rounds of clomid are finished and done with the Dr wants to discuss.
We both really hope we dont have to step into that...
although i have said on numerous occasions to Aaron that i think the toll IVF takes would be less work than month after month of Clomid and BFNs. At least i would know in my on mind that we would be in for a really great chance, and half of the work is already done.
Basically i would choose to go the IVF route right now if we had the funds handy, not this way we are doing right now.
I'm not greedy, i'm not asking for more than i need, more would be fantastic, but i know that the chances are low, just one, just one of "us" is all we would ever hope for.
I was an only child, and up until 5 or so years ago, so was Aaron, we know its not a completely terrible thing.
I have sat back alot after this last few cycles and just asked myself why? why is this not working?
I realise that the timing is not the greatest, we have alot of stuff going on in life atm, trying to plan a wedding, and wanting to buy a home and car etc, but it is very difficult to be ok with not getting pregnant when there are so many people around us, in far worse situations, who should NOT be having children and who have been given the children they have because of a "mistake".
Where is our mistake then?
I find it amazing that a drug addict, or a prostitute or hell, a family who pride themselves on living off of the welfare system can have 100 babies if they want, and we are actively trying, taking pills, changing diets and lifestyles and nothing!
Shopping for baby things for other people is an extreme struggle, and i have dealt with that recently...part of me was so excited to be able to hand over money for baby clothes and blankets and everything else i got, but the truth of it all was sitting on my right shoulder whispering in my ear, reminding me that its not for me and that it may never will be.
What made it far worse were the circumstances in my buying it all in the first place.

Anyway, i can go on and on about how much this all does my head in, the way the world works, what you want you dont get and then someone who doesnt want it gets it the next day etc etc.
But i wont, because anyone who is in this IF position knows what i am talking about.

So the new job is going good, i have been there 3 weeks now and although it is very hard on my brain most of the time, i get paid well enough to make me want to keep going there.lol.
The people are nice, friendly and seem to be a great team.
The hours are what i want, there is an opportunity for me if i want it at times.
All in all i cant complain. I just wish i could enjoy it more by not feeling so unwell all of the time.
Aaron is still hating his job, nuff said about that.lol.He will find something else when he is ready and knows what he wants to do.

So thats the update for today, i am going to try and update this more, if i can find time between, work, wedding and of course....trying to battle IF.

Back in the wait again, with a new Dr.

So we are back in another 2ww again, this is the 4th round of Clomid and i cant even remember how many round sof actually just trying.
well,as you know, i had my first appointment with my new ob/gyn y-day, Dr Alwyn Dunn, with Monash IVF here on the Gold coast.and i was in there for 1hr 20mins!! he was great. he got my full history from what i had in paperwork and did a massive internal and an internal u/s. both good and bad things came out of it...turns out my cervix has been worked on during one of my opperations, he picked this up immediately when he went in...so that is concerning...and he also saw a giant 35 mm follie on my left ovary and beleives i may not have O'd yet?! my temps went up higher than they are pre O though, except today they have plateau'd out again and i have some watery cm.so i dont know whats going on.we have a plan of action with him anyways, he said i am obviously responding well to clomid, so why stop a good thing. he is quite happy to keep me on clomid for up to 12 months since i seem to only need 50mg! and i will be MONITORED! every cycle which is fantastic.he was a bit weird about my other dr not monitoring me.he gave me a new sample thing for Aaron to get another s/a done before i see him again.the reason being is that there was such a great jump from the first results to the second and he wants to be able to eliminate he first one as a bad catch and that it is not as grim as we think.i think i will be going in for a lap to check for endometriosis at some stage once it is organised.(its very hard to get checked out for it in this state apparently)he wants me to have another round i think, monitored and see how it goes.all n all, he feels that with what i have given him, if Aaron's s/a comes back like the second, and i dont have too many issies with endometriosis, he has told me he feels absolutely positive that he will have me pregnant before long.he was really great, i hated his receptionist though! ugh BITCH!!my only other obsticle is that i have not renewed my private health insurance, and the wait to ob and gyno on it will be 12 months before i can use it(every fund in australia has 12 months wait)so we either have to take a 3 month break and me get the insurance and make sure i dont get preg, or we dont wait and go through the public health system, but i will be stuck with whoever i can get, or we will have to pay a good $5000-$15000 out of pocket to have this ob/gyn to deliver because he is private.i need to discuss it with him anyways, because i know i have to have a c-section regardless, which i'm not sure if it will change my circumstances.
I think, from what i hear that means that i will actually get to stay with the same Dr throughout the entire pregnancy and not get shorted because i will be high risk.

Anyways, aside from that, i got the call today to say i have been offered the job i have been after so thats fantastic! I am now offically employed by IBM Asia Pacific for the National Auatralia Bank. I start Monday and cant wait to see whats instore for me.
My news later...

Spring is here

Well this week will turn into spring.
Its Fathers day next Sunday, and i was hoping for a little surprise for Aaron but alas, it did not work out that way.
We just finished our 3rd round of Clomid.
I upped the dose under my own management, and oh-my-goodness. I ended up battling a case of OHSS which lasted about 8 days in total, and for most of those days i was having trouble walking, sitting, eating, drinking, sleeping etc etc. ugh!
note to self,
you DO NOT need more stimulation of your ovaries because they clearly work just fine on the dose the dr gave you! lol

So anyway, amoungst that came an O again, and the start of a new 2ww which felt alot different this time around. My chart looked great and and signs were all there, and by 9dpo i had snuck out of the house to get a pregnancy test while Aaron was busy.
My Tamagotchi died that day :( i was sad.
And so i walked myself into the bathroom after holding in everything i had drunk that day since lunch, it was now 4pm!
Read the instructions, did my thing and waited...in no time...this appeared before my eyes...

that little faint line meant that SHOCK! set in. and i freaked and showed Aaron really quickly.He saw it as quickly as i did.
Had we actually managed to do it??? It was so surreal. And so exciting and nerwracking all at once.
I was in love...with a stick, and with the idea that something was beggining to grow inside me.
I wasnt broken.

Obviously we went out and bought another lot of tests to check again in the morning, and with it being Sunday night, nothing was open and the choices werent really choices but "have to gets".
So the wait was on till morning comes...

Eat-sleep-repeat.
and...Nothing.

Not even half a line. Not even a shaddow.It had gone, just like that, in 24 hours.
The next 5 days of waiting were agony, sleep and tears.
The rest is history really. We now know this CAN at least happen...it didnt stick this time, but we know something can "maybe" work...

After all of this, i got myself into a local GP, He gave me a script for Metformin (DIABEX XR), since my Dr back in Sydney was going to try me on it and see if it made any difference.For the record i am TERRIFIED TO TAKE IT lol.the horror toilet stories i have read on various threads i'm on are enough to scare anyone away from it...i also got a referal to a new OB/GYN who sounds absolutely amazing!!
He does his own procedures, his own ultrasounds etc which is very rare to find.
He is also with Monash IVF here which is another plus plus plus. It means that if we need to go that far we will have the same Dr to go through it with.
My first appointment with him is on the 16 September at 12:45pm. He is doing an u/s on this visit also which is GREAT! as Aaron and i decided to go ahead and do another round of the Clomid while we wait, and from going off my last few cycles the time of the u/s should be right around O time, so i should see whats going on with my ovaries while on fertility meds, which i havent had yet.
So outside of the sad thing that happened this time around, we have alot of positives too. I am very excited to see what this Dr says, and wants to do.

And outside of all of the TTC stuff, Aaron has a new job, which he started this week and seems to be getting enough out of it to still be there at least lol.
We miss our birdie-girl terribly and i often have a thought of her and get teary eyed immediately. We cant wait to see her and hope she hasnt already forgotten us.

So much Change...

Clearly i am hopeless.
Nuff said.
Anyways...so much has happened since my last post on here.
We now live on the Sunny Gold Coast again.Its as wonderful as ever BTW, for those who might be envious :P
The move went well, not too many troubles except for having to get our massive tv shipped up on a truck, but other than that, it was smooth sailing.
We took our time to get to where we are now, we spent 2 great days with my Grandparents whom i havent seen in a very long time, the property up there is so relaxing, and i got to show Aaron my horse and he seemed to get a good thumbs up from both my grandparents.
We then spent a few days in Kempsey seeing Aarons family, and i really dont know what i was so terrified of.It was great, i felt very comfortable and almost at home there and we were spoilt with some really nice home cooked meals, which we havent had alot of in the last few weeks, with packing and moving and being lazy.
I made my way up here a few days before Aaron and had some time to myself, and gave him some time for his friends and family on his own.
Now he is here and we are on the hunt for jobs and just sort of settling in.Alot of what we loved close to home up here is still around, we are alot more active up here, which is great for our health and mentality too.
As it stands, our last round of Clomid was a bust, after an amazingly promising chart, with an implantation dip and everything!
So now we have just started our 3rd round of fertility meds.
i started them 2 days late because i was at Aarons Grandparents place when i was supposed to start it but i really didnt want to be a mass pain in the ass being sick and moddy and tired.
They have truely hit me like a tonne of bricks this time.
So the dose has been upped this time (to double) because well with having male factor(low sperm count) as well, i figure the more eggs that can drop the more chance they have at catching one...and now its just a waiting game


again.
i hate the ovulation wait.
yes, yes i do.

Oh and it was my birthday during all this time away too.24 Years younger now.
ugh.
i had a nice time out with my closest friends.Its hard to believe i am this old already.