Spring is here

Well this week will turn into spring.
Its Fathers day next Sunday, and i was hoping for a little surprise for Aaron but alas, it did not work out that way.
We just finished our 3rd round of Clomid.
I upped the dose under my own management, and oh-my-goodness. I ended up battling a case of OHSS which lasted about 8 days in total, and for most of those days i was having trouble walking, sitting, eating, drinking, sleeping etc etc. ugh!
note to self,
you DO NOT need more stimulation of your ovaries because they clearly work just fine on the dose the dr gave you! lol

So anyway, amoungst that came an O again, and the start of a new 2ww which felt alot different this time around. My chart looked great and and signs were all there, and by 9dpo i had snuck out of the house to get a pregnancy test while Aaron was busy.
My Tamagotchi died that day :( i was sad.
And so i walked myself into the bathroom after holding in everything i had drunk that day since lunch, it was now 4pm!
Read the instructions, did my thing and waited...in no time...this appeared before my eyes...

that little faint line meant that SHOCK! set in. and i freaked and showed Aaron really quickly.He saw it as quickly as i did.
Had we actually managed to do it??? It was so surreal. And so exciting and nerwracking all at once.
I was in love...with a stick, and with the idea that something was beggining to grow inside me.
I wasnt broken.

Obviously we went out and bought another lot of tests to check again in the morning, and with it being Sunday night, nothing was open and the choices werent really choices but "have to gets".
So the wait was on till morning comes...

Eat-sleep-repeat.
and...Nothing.

Not even half a line. Not even a shaddow.It had gone, just like that, in 24 hours.
The next 5 days of waiting were agony, sleep and tears.
The rest is history really. We now know this CAN at least happen...it didnt stick this time, but we know something can "maybe" work...

After all of this, i got myself into a local GP, He gave me a script for Metformin (DIABEX XR), since my Dr back in Sydney was going to try me on it and see if it made any difference.For the record i am TERRIFIED TO TAKE IT lol.the horror toilet stories i have read on various threads i'm on are enough to scare anyone away from it...i also got a referal to a new OB/GYN who sounds absolutely amazing!!
He does his own procedures, his own ultrasounds etc which is very rare to find.
He is also with Monash IVF here which is another plus plus plus. It means that if we need to go that far we will have the same Dr to go through it with.
My first appointment with him is on the 16 September at 12:45pm. He is doing an u/s on this visit also which is GREAT! as Aaron and i decided to go ahead and do another round of the Clomid while we wait, and from going off my last few cycles the time of the u/s should be right around O time, so i should see whats going on with my ovaries while on fertility meds, which i havent had yet.
So outside of the sad thing that happened this time around, we have alot of positives too. I am very excited to see what this Dr says, and wants to do.

And outside of all of the TTC stuff, Aaron has a new job, which he started this week and seems to be getting enough out of it to still be there at least lol.
We miss our birdie-girl terribly and i often have a thought of her and get teary eyed immediately. We cant wait to see her and hope she hasnt already forgotten us.

So much Change...

Clearly i am hopeless.
Nuff said.
Anyways...so much has happened since my last post on here.
We now live on the Sunny Gold Coast again.Its as wonderful as ever BTW, for those who might be envious :P
The move went well, not too many troubles except for having to get our massive tv shipped up on a truck, but other than that, it was smooth sailing.
We took our time to get to where we are now, we spent 2 great days with my Grandparents whom i havent seen in a very long time, the property up there is so relaxing, and i got to show Aaron my horse and he seemed to get a good thumbs up from both my grandparents.
We then spent a few days in Kempsey seeing Aarons family, and i really dont know what i was so terrified of.It was great, i felt very comfortable and almost at home there and we were spoilt with some really nice home cooked meals, which we havent had alot of in the last few weeks, with packing and moving and being lazy.
I made my way up here a few days before Aaron and had some time to myself, and gave him some time for his friends and family on his own.
Now he is here and we are on the hunt for jobs and just sort of settling in.Alot of what we loved close to home up here is still around, we are alot more active up here, which is great for our health and mentality too.
As it stands, our last round of Clomid was a bust, after an amazingly promising chart, with an implantation dip and everything!
So now we have just started our 3rd round of fertility meds.
i started them 2 days late because i was at Aarons Grandparents place when i was supposed to start it but i really didnt want to be a mass pain in the ass being sick and moddy and tired.
They have truely hit me like a tonne of bricks this time.
So the dose has been upped this time (to double) because well with having male factor(low sperm count) as well, i figure the more eggs that can drop the more chance they have at catching one...and now its just a waiting game


again.
i hate the ovulation wait.
yes, yes i do.

Oh and it was my birthday during all this time away too.24 Years younger now.
ugh.
i had a nice time out with my closest friends.Its hard to believe i am this old already.

A new cycle.

Well we are offically back in the 2ww again.
Thankfully the Clomid worked again and i O'd this week and we timed things really well so i can have a quiet confidence that things might work.
Right now i am 3DPO and tomorrow is my 24TH birthday, and so the combination of the two means i cant go out and drink it up like i was going to on the weekend since we never do that sort of thing at all anymore...you have to be safe with these things. No point trying so hard to make a baby and stuffing it up with one night of drunken madness.
So this year i will have to take it easy....again....and just enjoy dinner with friends and be an onlooker afterwards.
I know what i will be wishing for tomorrow...ALLLLLLL day long lol.And by the end of the month we will have an answer to see if the wishing worked or not.
Lerts hope it does.The clomid ended up messing with me more than i originally thought this month. I'm STILL getting bad hot flushes and night sweats from it.
It will be so nice not to have to do it again next cycle...not to have a "next cycle" at all.

So anyways, yeh i'm old-er tomorrow.heh.

Turning over a new Leaf

This week we have started a new way of living.
Slowly but surely we are making the changes we need to make to help things move along a little better, health wise at least.
We now walk each day, twice when Aaron has the time when he is not at work. I will still try to go twice a day adding some running in there which i used to do every day and love so much. Its such a great release for me and lord knows i need it.
The exercise is easy, the only struggle is getting out in the cold. The food on the other hand...heh...this is where it gets really tough.
There are so many foods i am not supposed to eat.
Because of the PCOS, I am, from a Drs point of view, meant to be overweight.
I of course, never have been and have always been underweight really.So me needing to cut out foods and eat like i am on a diet is always tough because i dont have the weight to remind me not to do it.
I have cut out most carbs and sugars as they are what i really need to focus on not giving into.
I crave carbs and would live purely on them if i could, but unfortunately they are a big no-no with everything thats wrong with me. Likewise with sugars.
Now dont for a second think i am crazy and am trying to "loose weight" or anything, because i am not...
With PCOS comes the added risk of Diabetes.

I have 3 month GTT's done (glucose tolerance test) and my last came back slightly bad.My insulin levels were shaky. Nothing too huge to worry about.But the fact that it has gone bad since the last time could be a sign of where it is heading.
My dr has offered to put me an Metformin (Diabetic meds) if i want to, but i have heard too often that the side effects (constant diarrhea and nausea) dont make you want to wake up and take them each day.
So, i decided against it for now, and just see if i can do this on my own, my next test is in August i think so i will re asses the situation then and decide if i will take them.
Until then, its closely monitoring what i each each day.
I'm certainly terrified of getting to the stage of full blown diabetes thats for sure.And i hope i can prevent it from ever happening.
Of course with my healthy eating, Aaron benefits as well. Although he is finding himself alot hungrier with the cut back of "filling" foods. But we can work out a happy medium somehow.
So for now, walking /running each day, cutting out the "white" foods and trying to increase both of our water intakes should do some good.
I'm still taking my iron treatments, and from the monthly blood test i get it looks as though the Dr has always been right and i will be on treatment for the rest of my life, which sucks.But i certainly dont want to be 40 with the memory of an 80 year old and forget who my husband and kids are.The new diet should hopefully help with the iron supplements too as they cause terrible constipation thats completely unbearable at times.
I have also come to discover, outside of the constipation from iron meds that i have IBS. so hooray *rolls eyes* one more thing to tick off the list. Its not typical running-to-the-bathroom-all-day-long which is at least a positive...things just dont work great down there from time to time.haha.
We both have to add more water to our diet, Aaron needs to for his boys to swim nice and freely.
All in all, i hope we BOTH start to feel the difference quickly so we stick at it and see it for what its worth.

...i did eat 2 chocolates tonight though :O
not that i feel any kind of great for it :(

Same old feelings

Well i can tell, by now, that i'm going to have to remind myself to actually update this.
Although...not alot has gone on since the last post, so i will use that as my excuse :p
Last cycle was another bust and the 2ww was dragged out by 3-4 extra days of waiting and hoping which has now got me wondering exactly when i ovulated, AGAIN this time.

Anyway, we are back on a new fresh cycle, i have just finished my 2nd round of Clomid, with less side effects than last time at least. The head/eye dramas were minimal, the hot flushes were still there in full force but i was prepared for them from last time.
I decided against seeing my OB/GYN this time around because i figured it would be a waste of money for the visit if all he would tell me was to start a new cycle. He doesnt want to monitor me yet, so i'm not paying him for answers i already know that he will give me.

Its my birthday in 14 days. the big 24. geeez. Where on earth is life going??
I know what i will be wishing for on the day... the baby psychic i got a reading from predicted a Girl in July. (mind you the other one said a Boy in June, so we wont get too excited about that one).
Outside of the baby business we are having such a hard time deciding where our lives are headed.Where we want to move to to settle down and live properly, where to build some strong foundations for us both.
We are greatly considering going back up North to the Gold Coast as we both love the atmosphere up that way and really wish we had never left in the first place.Its just getting shit sorted out down here, working out what is important for us to keep and hold onto, getting it all up there and then getting us up there.
Aaron has been applying for work up that way, and basically if anything comes up, we are out of here back to the sunshine a walk away from the beach. I will continue to study as best i can until we know whats going on, there isnt alot of point in me doing much else until we have some firmly planted feet on the ground.
Speaking of studying. UGH! for the record. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. It is so hard to understand anything that you havent done before hands on. I feel like i'm out of my league!
I got really great marks for the first few things ive handed in and now i am stuck. Completely clueless and its driving me insane to the point where i am struggling to even want to do it anymore. But i will, because i know if i dont i will always kick myself, not to mention everyone else's responses which i dont need to hear.
So, i'm taking my time with it now. I figure i have the time...i have 3 years to do it, and i'm still young enough to take that much time if i need it. I hope i dont though, and i fly through it like i originally wanted too.
I just need to find my feet...then its smooth sailing.